Riley's Birth Story

Our baby girl is here! Ryan and I are in love with her! No wonder they call babies "bundles of joy." She seriously is just that! She has already brought us so much pure happiness and has filled our hearts with so much love. It was not easy getting her here but it was worth every second.

On January 20, when I was 39 weeks and 5 days, I went in for my regular check up. Up to this point I had not dilated at all and I was really hoping to hear that I had started. I know it doesn't technically mean anything since someone could start dilating all at once and quickly escalate to a 10. But I was still looking for dilation as a sign that my body was finally getting ready to have this baby. I was SO done being pregnant. Unfortunately, I was still zero centimeters. No dilation whatsoever. As soon as I walked out of the doors of the doctor's office I cried. I was really starting to feel that this baby would never come. Ryan was with me and comforted me and we got ice cream which has a way of making one feel better. :) My mother in-law and sister-in-law also reassured me by telling me how my sister-in-law Jennica had a similar experience where she was not dilated at all and then BOOM! Two days later she had her baby! I kept holding onto that hope that that could happen to me too. Maybe my baby would still come today or tomorrow or soon!

The days moved forward with no sign of baby girl. I did every trick in the book to try and naturally induce labor. You name it- I'll bet you I tried it! Long walks, walking hundreds and hundreds of stairs, bouncing on an exercise ball for hours and hours, sex, spicy foods (even homemaking salsa so I could really make sure there was a kick to it), Clary Sage oil, Evening Primrose Oil, etc. etc. I really wanted this baby girl to come join our family!

40 weeks and one day!

On January 26 I couldn't believe I was at my 40 week appointment. I thought for sure that my baby would have come by this point. (I was actually 40 weeks and 5 days at this appointment, so almost 41 weeks). My doctor checked me and said I was "maybe a fingertip dilated." She said and I quote, "I wouldn't even call it a half of a centimeter." But hey it was something and I was relieved to hear it. She then asked, "So when do you want to be induced?" I jokingly said, "Um, tonight!" She told me, "OK I'll call the hospital and see what they have going on." She left the room and Ryan and I looked at each other in shock. Wait, what? Could our baby really come tonight!?! We discussed it and I really wanted the experience of naturally going into labor and didn't want to be induced unless I had to. Plus, my mom was coming into town that evening so we decided to give it one more day and see if baby girl would come on her own.

The next evening, with no sign of our little one coming on her own, and already 6 days past my due date, I went to the hospital to start the induction process. We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 pm. They took my vitals, asked me all the standard medical history questions and we ate some nasty hospital food. Ryan may disagree but I swear they gave us chicken talons haha :)

In the parking garage at Memorial Hospital, about to go in! We were so excited!!

We thought it was cute that the stork is the picture to remind you what floor you parked on.

Around 9:00 pm I got the cervix softener. It's a pill that is inserted inside of you to get your cervix to soften and dilate. I was very hopeful and naive about the whole process. I thought for sure that our baby would be here tomorrow, maybe even later that night! I started to watch my all time favorite movie,"You've Got Mail." Ryan had to work on homework.

Love this movie and love this man! It was so hard for him to focus on school and homework
 during everything but I was so proud of him for getting everything done that he had to.

The doctor was going to come in often to re-administer the cervix softener so they offered me a sleeping pill (Ambien) to help me relax and sleep better throughout the night. It made me crazy. haha I don't know why it made me so loopy but I said some pretty hilarious things! I don't remember any of it so it was so funny when Ryan told me about it. Ryan wrote some of them down and captured a bunch of other things on camera. Here are a few funny quotes from the evening:

"All the little aliens from Toy Story that are in the machine are right here."

"This is a really nice hotel. It would look nice in the Taj Mahal cause there's so much white."

"I think...if I go to sleep...I'm gonna get some crazy dreams...cause I already just saw like a dozen elves. Not the Christmas kind--the really good looking kind from Lord of the Rings...And the blonde lady one, with all the power...she just ushered them in that door."

Every 4 hours the doctor came in to check me and re-insert another cervix softener. The doctor was a young, male resident. If you know what they do when they "check you" for dilation, you can see why it could be kind of awkward for the woman but holy cow, I think it was way worse for Ryan. He did NOT like seeing the resident check me. For a second I thought Ryan might actually beat him up! haha. I have a very protective husband :)

Around 3:00 am the next day (Thursday, January 29) they came to check me again. They discovered that I was having mild contractions. Hurray! The cervix softener must be doing it's job! They did not give me any more softeners because they thought that my body would now start to dilate on it's own. We were excited for our baby to come today!

At 9:00 am I got checked again. There was no change in dilation. I was still "maybe a fingertip dilated." I was so surprised that I hadn't dilated at all after a night of the softeners. The doctor decided to give me Pitocin for the rest of the day to get me contracting regularly and force my body to dilate.

At 10:00 am I was put on Pitocin. My contractions were fairly mild at first and progressively got stronger and stronger and then painful and uncomfortable but they were still bearable. I watched TV, rested, and hung out with my mom and Ryan.

My sweet in-laws sent me flowers! They're the best!

Around 2:00 pm I got a good sign, I lost my mucus plug! I had been looking in the toilet for WEEKS to find this and finally it happened. Yeah I know that's probably TMI but holy cow I was so excited! To me this was a sign that I was for sure making progress! I literally shouted for joy from the bathroom! :) 

As the day went on I got more and more uncomfortable and tired. I started adding everything up in my head: I had been on the softener the evening before, on pitocin all day, I had been contracting since 3 a.m., I was super uncomfortable, I lost my mucus plug... I was positive that all of this meant I was dilating. Maybe I'd be a 4 or a 5 next time they checked me? I couldn't know for sure but I assumed I was making good progress.

Starting to feel tired...

5:30 pm: I got checked again...this was a low point. They told me I was only a one. ONE FREAKING CENTIMETER! After a night of cervix softeners, an entire day of contractions and Pitocin alllllll day, I was only a ONE?!? How was that even possible? I started comparing myself to my friends who were at a one WEEKS before they went into labor. I was just in shock that with all of this medical intervention I had only progressed to a one! I burst into tears and the doctor (this time a woman, and my favorite doctor, Dr. Blickensderfer) started to tear up too. She was so sweet and understanding and expressed sympathy for all of the work I had done without really any progress. She explained that I would go off of the pitocin for the night and that they would administer the cervix softeners again throughout the night. I was pretty discouraged. I got in the tub to calm myself down emotionally and physically and Ryan was so sweet. He went out and brought us back ice cream to cheer me up!

Later that evening, I got the cervix softener again. I was given the softener every four hours, just like the night before.

Fri Jan 30, Just like the day before, I started having contractions around 3 am. But this time they were pretty intense! I was in some bad pain for a few hours and asked my nurse if there was any type of pain relief I could get. I couldn't get an epidural because I wasn't dilated enough so they gave me Nubain. Honestly, I don't really remember the Nubain doing much, except making me barf. I got in the tub again to try and get some relief.

After 3-4 hours, I was in so much pain and I just wanted the contractions to stop. I seriously started thinking about going off of the pitocin, going home, and just waiting for this whole thing to play out on its own. The doctor came in around 8 am and checked me. This time I was a 2. However, they said I was actually harder and more firm than I had been the night before so I had actually digressed. I couldn't believe it. The doctor said she wanted to break my water and let me get an epidural in hopes that it would allow my body to relax a bit so I could start dilating more. They then broke my water, gave me the epidural and like we had hoped, the pain relief from the epidural allowed me to start progressing.

My best friend Brooke made a funny video for me. It was a compilation of funny videos from our past and a bunch of funny commercials. It was awesome to watch and laugh and have something to take my mind off of things. She is such a great friend. I'm so grateful for her!

By 12:45 pm I was dilated to a 5...

At 3:45 pm I was dilated to a 6...

6:45 pm: By this point I was pretty exhausted. I felt like the epidural was wearing off or something. I could feel the left side of my body and could only get semi-comfortable in one position. When the contractions came, I could really feel them. I kept thinking, isn't the epidural supposed to make me feel nothing? I started wondering how LONG this could possibly last. It had already been 2 nights of cervix softeners and now 2 full days on Pitocin. I was emotionally spent. I even asked if there was an emotional epidural I could get. Can someone invent one of those? Physically, I was more tired than I had ever been and I couldn't wait to be checked because I knew I just had to be so close to being finished and getting my baby girl.

9 pm: Dilated to a 9 and in lots of pain. Dr. Shah told me it could still be a few hours before I got to 10 centimeters so I should just "take a nap." Oh my gosh, "Take a nap?" I wanted to kill her.  I had been in so much pain for hours now and the contractions were coming on so strong and close together! Of course I would sleep through all of this crap if I could! I started begging for more pain relief and finally, I got another dose of the epidural. Ah! So much relief! Once I got the pain relief,  I think I did sleep for a half hour or so.Thank heaven for modern medicine.

10:30 pm: They told me I had just a tiny bit that still needed to dilate. My nurse Abby repositioned me, thinking that maybe that would help me finish. Soon I would be a 10 and could finally push!

11:20 nurse Abby checked me and finally I was a 10! YES! I could hear the angels singing Hallelujah! Finally! Abby said pretty soon I'd be able to push and went to get Dr. Shah.

Several minutes later Abby came back into the room and told me that Dr. Shah wanted me to wait "an hour or two to bear down." What?! I thought I was going to be able to push now? I knew that it was a logical thing to wait as long as possible so that the pushing phase wouldn't last as long. But the pain was intensifying so quickly and I was so unbelievably exhausted after so many hours already. I kept saying how I felt like the baby was already starting to come out of me. It was a weird/painful sensation. I couldn't imagine this going on for another hour or even two!

Midnight- Here is where things realllllly started escalating. At this point, I honestly didn't know how much more I could take. I was in so much pain. I asked Ryan for a blessing and received a lot of comfort from his words. I was so grateful he could give me one.

So grateful for this man. Couldn't have done this without him.

12:45 am Dr Shah came in to check me and guess what? You know how they said I was a 10? Sike! I actually wasn't. Dr Shah said I was as close to 10 as I could be without actually being a 10. She called it a "9.75." Apparently there was an "anterior lip" of my cervix that was still totally hard and not dilated. They had me do a practice push to see if it helped it to move. But nope. Nothing. Everyone kept asking me if I had ever had surgery on my cervix before because it was so weird to them that this small portion wasn't dilating or softening.

Dr Shah said I was really close but that I may need to wait "two more hours to come to completion" and fully dilate. I cried so hard. I was so tired, so frustrated, and in so much pain. Then Dr. Shah told me I may end up needing a c-section. I just kept thinking, "Are you kidding me? After all of this work!?" Earlier in the evening I was hoping and praying that it wouldn't come to a c-section. But now, I truly didn't know how much more I could take. I could feel the baby in me. Not like in pregnancy where I could feel her in my belly but I could feel her like she was stuck and there was just so much pressure and pain. I seriously felt like she was going to fall out of me. It HURT! I started begging for a c-section. I was so unbelievably tired by this point in every possible way that I didn't care what they did, I just needed this baby to come out! I was so worried that after 50 plus hours of this I would finally get to push and not have the energy to do it.

1:30 am I started thinking I was going to die. Call me a drama queen. But seriously I was in so much pain and was at the end of my rope. I honestly did not think I could endure any longer. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. I had to focus all of my energy on not freaking out. I had to focus all of my attention on breathing through every contraction and just getting through it. I felt like Riley's head was gonna blow up inside of me. haha graphic much? But seriously there was so much pressure! I was so uncomfortable and in so much pain. Keep in mind this is about 54 hours since getting to the hospital. It was taking for.ev.er. I kept praying for strength to get through it. I kept praying so hard. Sometimes I would just shout a prayer out loud that God would please just help me through this horrible pain.

I started really asking for that c-section, and asking for it NOW. I wanted it NOW. RIGHT NOW. I really felt that I could not endure any longer and I just felt like something was wrong. I knew I needed the c-section. But they told me I was so close and had to come to completion. I asked Ryan to put counter pressure on my lower back, which definitely helped. It was so comforting having him and my mom there. I asked my mom to remind me why I was going through all of this. She spoke about how wonderful it would be to see my baby and hold her for the first time. She gave me so much comfort. I focused on her words, kept telling myself I was doing this for my baby and just focused on breathing.

So comforting to have my mom there

It had been so long and I really started worrying about Riley. How was she doing with all of this? Every time the monitor moved off of my belly and I couldn't hear Riley's heartbeat I would start to panic. I kept asking everyone, "Can you hear her heartbeat?" I just couldn't believe her heartbeat was remaining steady. Everyone kept saying what a strong, happy baby she must be. After she was born we joked that she must be a type B personality because she was so laid back and calm, even after being stuck in my cervix for hours on end. :)

2 a.m. I got checked again and you guessed it, there still was no change. The doctor told me I would definitely need a c-section. She said, "If it hasn't happened by now, it will never happen." At that point I was nervous but I was mostly relieved that everything would finally be over and I would get my precious baby here. Since Dr. Shah was going into another c-section at the time, I had to wait another hour for mine. Yeah. It was a long hour. Longest hour of my life.

2:45 a.m. I got wheeled out to the operating room.

Getting wheeled out to the O.R.

Ryan looking hot in his scrubs ;)

3 a.m. I got put on the operating table and was given more meds to numb me. I started feeling all of this tugging and pulling and thought, "Oh my gosh have they started the c-section already?" I was so surprised they started without Ryan there! I asked where Ryan was and they assured me he was coming. 5-10 minutes passed... I kept thinking about how quick c-sections are and I started to worry that after all of these 56 hours of softeners and labor, that Ryan was going to miss the birth of our baby! I asked again where Ryan was and they assured me he was still on his way. When Ryan finally arrived, I was so relieved! And he made it just in time... a few minutes later at 3:13 a.m. we heard our baby cry for the first time.

When we heard the sweet little cry of our baby girl, Ryan and I looked at each other and tears streamed down our cheeks. She was finally here! Ryan cut the cord and they cleaned her and weighed her. Then my baby girl was laid on my chest. I got to see her and hold her and I was instantly in love! She was healthy and beautiful and ours. Ryan got to hold her next. He got to hold her skin to skin as well. It was such a special time that I will always remember.

Nine days past her due date, and after 56 hours of trying to get her here, Riley Rose Van Wagoner was finally born. Her birthday: January 31, 2015 at 3:13 a.m. She weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces and was 19 and a half inches long. The cutest, sweetest, most curious little baby I've ever seen.

Our beautiful little girl with her proud daddy!

Check out Riley's cone head! Luckily it was completely back to normal by the next day. :)

First time holding my baby girl.

I am SO exhausted here but filled with so much pure gratitude and love for my baby.

In the recovery room I got to hold my baby again and nurse her for the first time. She latched right on! She stared up at me the whole time, it was wonderful looking into her eyes. She was the most bright eyed and curious newborn I had ever seen. We were so in love with her. My mom met us in the recovery room and of course fell in love with Riley right away too.

Meeting Grandma for the first time.

Staring up at Grandma

This is probably 15? minutes after she was born. So bright eyed!

We got back to our room around 6 am. Ryan could NOT put Riley down. He was the most proud dad I could imagine. I kept thinking how lucky I was to not only have this beautiful new baby girl, but also to have such a sweet, wonderful husband who loved her so much. I kept watching my husband as he held our baby and gazed at her with so much love in his eyes. I knew he would be a wonderful dad.

Almost as soon as we got to bed, the nurses started pouring in for the next several hours so I literally got a total of 30 minutes of sleep. BUT my baby was here and life just felt complete and perfect.

On Daddy's lap, just staring up at him :)

Asleep on Momma

I love her little face here.

We think Riley got Ryan's hair. He was born with so much! And check out the length in the back! It's pretty long!

Our nurse Aimee made this little bow just for Riley. She looks so cute!

Ha! This is so funny to see now. My legs are like tree trunks or elephant legs! This was taken on my 3rd day on pitocin
(I had to be on it for another day after Riley was born because it helps your uterus contract back down).
 Pitocin makes you retain water like CRAZY. Add that to the swelling I already had and it = elephant/tree trunks.
TMI again but seriously, they had to empty my catheter bag every couple of hours, ha! It felt so good to get rid of the edema.

Her ultrasound picture looks JUST like this, with her hands right up by her face!
She does this all the time.

Love her.

Proud grandma of now 3 granddaughters.

My mom gave Riley a special gift. A beautiful, pink, mini Book of Mormon.

One of my favorites. I love how she scrunches her legs up like this.

This is my favorite of Riley and her daddy. Ryan is the sweetest dad!
Seeing him with our baby girl makes me even more in love with him.

He could never set her down :)

She's so tiny! I want her to stay this size forever! haha :) 

Having a baby that you created, carried, and birthed is the most incredible miracle. It has also been the most difficult thing I have ever done. However, I would do it all over again a million times if it meant getting my baby girl into my arms and into our family. She has become mine and Ryan's whole world! We are completely head over heels for this little one.

Riley Rose, you are so loved! I hope you will always know and remember how much your mom and dad love you. We will always be here for you. You will forever be our little girl.